"Go your ways: behold, I send you forth as lambs among wolves"
Jesus was speaking to his followers and warning them that their sojourn would be no walk in the park.
The telco revenue assurance world is also no walk in the park.
There are shadowy characters in the form of unscrupulous consultants, vendors who can sell you solutions that you already have and plain old scoundrels/charlatans/comedians/bandits/snake-oil salesmen who travel the world successfully packaging and selling bull-crap all in the name of RA. Rob Mattison is top of this. For some time, I have been a follower of Eric Priezkaln’s RA blogs first on revenue protect and later on TalkRA and a number of his posts point out on the wolf-nature of Rob and his GRAPA cult. At one point, I had the feeling that possibly Eric and Rob have some old rivalry that spans generations (maybe one took the other’s damsel) and that Eric was simply spewing bile…until I attended a training conducted by Rob. Apart from rehashing old material, playing internet humor video clips, there really was no RA knowledge to write home about. And that is all fine. I thought I must be some sort of genius. Suffice it to say that 0.5 of what we leant can be googled and the other 0.3 is good old common sense and 0.2 is from Rob’s opinions. The PowerPoint slides are however printed and bound in shiny material so I suppose the company should pay for that. Perhaps Rob is not to blame – I wonder whether one can really teach RA especially when you stopped working for telcos before the turn of the millenium. Of the much I have learnt in about 4 years of my very long career (!), I am not ashamed to admit that there was lots of trial and error. Occasionally, there was some good material from RA blogs, TMF standards etc but the bulk of what I know (or what I like to think I know) has come from listening and questioning people who do RA and a little bit of sparring with those who are in other functions in the company (Billing, Marketing, Operations and so on). Occasionally you run into thinkers like Tony Poulos at a conference and you get to appreciate different viewpoints. There are also a number of very experienced-no-BS-real-RA-practitioner types who engage in debate at TalkRA and I think I learn more every time I pass by. Actually, the exciting part is that I get a better insight into how little I knew despite the much I thought I knew… But I digress.
What is even more worrying is that I got a certificate proving that I had passed the course. What course?
From that point, I decided to keep the GRAPA emails which hit my mail box every now and then, just for fun and I have collected quite a number of training invitations. Every time I am bored, I pull up a few and I get really tickled. I sample them here for the reader to decide which ones would be worth attending. I hasten to add that should you attend:
i) I guarantee you will pass
ii) You will be thoroughly entertained with stories of Rob’s travel around the world and he will also share his huge library of internet fun clips, complete with sound and in HD.
iii) You will get a certificate…and a photo with Rob himself. Can this deal get better?
Here goes the menu, hot from my GRAPA_BS folder.
Cape Town - GRAPA Training Near the Waterfront!
This one really caught my attention. I can imagine presenting my boss with the brochure declaring that for a few days, I will be at the waterfront learning how to do better RA. His expression would be priceless: So, waterfront, eh? And I would respond without even paraphrasing one of the sentences from the brochure: Revenue Assurance and Fraud Training does not have to be all business!
Roaming Assurance / Convergent Billing 2-Day Training -Cape Town
There must be something about Cape Town. Really.
Cape Town - Focused RA Training - Choose Your Topic!
In deed, choose your topic. Remember the three guarantees I gave above? They still apply. Now I must go to Cape Town.
Cut RA Costs, Improve Effectiveness - RA Overview Crash Course
One way of cutting RA costs is by attending meaningful trainings but hey, that’s bean-counter talk - don’t let it get in the way now.
Advanced Telecoms Fraud Certification Training - 1 Week
Advanced is the key word here. Is it the training that is advanced or the fraud that is highly complex? Come and find out.
Earn Masters-Level RA Certification - 2 Week Training!
And get shiny certificate while you are at it. Fancy being a Certified Revenue Assurance Professional (CRAP).
Hardcore Fraud: 1-2 Day Crash Courses
You can attend 1 day or 2 days. Either way, please wire your payments ahead of the training.
RA2020: All-New Revenue Assurance Certification Training
Oh, so you want RA1010? We also have that. We shall cover it over dinner.
3G, GPRS and Internet Assurance/M-Banking 1-Day Crash Course
Don’t be fooled by the title. We shall cover more than 3G. LTE assurance will be taught.
Telco Profit Master Class - Johannesburg
This is for gurus. If you are a small fish, stay away. No, don’t stay away - just come and by the time you leave, you will be a Profit Master.
GRAPA Lagos RA/Fraud Training Mar 2010 - Last Chance
Training is conducted by holders of the Certified Nigerian Fraudster (CNF) designation.
Lagos Xtreme Revenue Assurance Event: RA Job Security and Growth
Feeling insecure? Come to this one. We shall have group therapy sessions and even a masseuse.
Others:
>New Telco Accounting Fraud Crash Course
>Telecoms Fraud Masters Level Certification Training Events
>Is Your Telco at Risk for Fraud? 1-Week Certification Event
>India Xtreme RA Event: Next Generation Revenue Assurance Training
>SIMbox & Interconnect Fraud Prevention Masterclass - Cape Town
>Revenue Maximization: 2-Day Training in Cape Town Only!
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